AARAKSHAN... Dicks & I

I would like to see AARAKSHAN but have not seen it yet for obvious reasons. But that is no reason for me not to critique, lampoon and reject the film. Here is what I think…

The film has been banned in many states (even after the censor board found nothing objectionable in it) by people who, in all likelihood, have not even seen it… But here is the bigger point and why I feel that the film should be banned in rest of India as well… And why it may not be even necessary to see the film to come to that verdict.

However, before that I need to share something very important… And that is the profound philosophy of my very learned friend and guru from my college days who told me once that there are fundamentally only two human archetypes – the dicks and the balls. The dicks always want to be on top, no matter what. It is their birthright to boss over the balls and dicks are pretty aware of that.

The balls, on the other hand, irrespective of the fact how big and mighty they might be, will forever search for a dick (howsoever little, ugly or otherwise despicable) to hang under. The swabhava (nature) of the ball is to be in awe of the dick. It naturally will follow everything the dick says and can never have the temerity of questioning back.

… And guruji then went on to proclaim (and I shall never ever question that being a ball myself) that the teeming majority of Indian masses, rich or poor, educated or illiterate, urban or rural are actually balls. (which perfectly explains why a miniscule number - exactly 545 - of syphilitic dicks can rule over us)

… So, we have always been a country of balls and forever will be. Nothing has really changed from 1991 when the reservation bill was passed, to 2011. Never mind the cataclysmic changes the world has gone through in last 20 years, the way India has changed and grown, how internet and mobile has made people more aware and world a smaller place… But we still see ourselves through the eyes of the dicks.

… And as far as dicks are concerned, they see it this way – it is still fair and reasonable to assume that our people are idiots who can’t tell their heads from their asses and therefore, subjecting them to the onslaught of something like of AARAKSHAN will automatically create a civil war in this country much bigger than 100 Anna Hazares can ever stoke.

… Now, if the dicks see it this way, we the balls will also have to see it this way only. So, imagine what might happen if AARAKSHAN is released? A few dicks will (for their own worthy interests) ignite and excite the huge group of us balls and we will be more than happy to screw all and sundry…

… Finally, since all this is really about our character rather than the subject of the film, how does it matter if one has seen the film or not? AARAKSHAN should be banned, nevertheless. Period.

P.S. Imagine the glorious sight that is India with few cancerous dicks and a large number of multi-coloured balls? Right to Education plays a very important role in maintaining this glory. Afterall, education is how you develop balls... (that's why dicks don't need no education, and good for that!)