Let Depression Be An Indian Cause Célèbre’...

WHO report says that 36% Indians suffer from clinical depression which means more than one-third of us have our own looney tales to recount… Gawd iz great, Gawd iz great!

My good friend Anjuli shared two separate slogans with me which makes profoundly insightful reading when read together – politicians divide us AND terrorists unite us! To me it sounds intuitively correct, gospel like and axiomatic. However, being left-brain dominant, rational, analytical, Descartesque’ idiot that I am, suffering from the chronic neurotic dementia caused by excessive over indulgence with the idea of 'cogito ergo sum', this is not sufficient for me. I need to see the direct cognitive relationship between the two.

So, delving deep into my immense resources on politics, sociology, culture, psychology, anthropology, philosophy, epistemology, topology, graphology, immunology, urology, gynecology and sentology, I have finally found the connection. (phis-phus-phis-phus-phis-phus… 5 deep breaths… still panting!)

Politicians divide us… into groups. Then one group (the screwer) is supported by the politicians to screw the other (screwee) for their collective gain. Now, when the screwee group is screwed over a long time without respite, they get into a collective and endemic group depression which ultimately becomes a bipolar disease with its own manic-depressive episodes. Manic episodes give rise to terrorism and depressive episodes miraculously translate into mass suicides.

In either case, when the tectonic plates of political divide thus collide, Tsunami like forces are unleashed making it imperative to now unite the screwee group with the main stream through inclusive growth initiatives and outreach programs (terrorism unites, you see!)

… And viola! With its principles of equality and freedom restored, Democracy itself gets a new lease of life… Till such time politicians create the next divide (which is almost instantaneously) ushering the next great depression in yet another screwee group… till the cycle completes… and repeats… and completes… and repeats… Untill, eventually, in the true spirit of Democracy, we have all equally been a screwer and a screwee without any discrimination.

So, in the final analysis you will conclude that, as one of the commentators said in ToI today, DEMOCRACY WORKS BECAUSE OF DEPRESSION… No depression, no terrorism, no unity, no integration, no inclusion, no equalization, no politics, no democracy!

… And therefore, with utter gratitude and sheer delirium I look at the WHO report that says 36% Indians suffer from clinical depression, cast a heavenly gaze and proclaim - Gawd tussi great ho ji… aapne humein world #1 banaya ji! Depression mein bhi aur democracy mein bhi (given that we are the most populous democracy in the world)

P.S. Finally, I would like to propose a collective, committed national initiative to increase this 36% to 50% by 2020. Please join me at Jantar-Mantar on 15th August when I am taking out a MAAYUSI morcha (inspired by Besharmi Morcha) to pressurize the government to introduce a Jan Maayusi (abetment and precipitation) Bill in the Monsoon session of parliament. Let that be our most important national strategic goal? Amen…