Mangal Ho!
A bee wanted to pee and
inadvertently drifted into the editorial section of the leading news channel
‘News XXX Now’ (now you know that this post is a work of pure fiction because
no such section exists in news channels)
These are some of the droppings that the
bee sampled with a lot of glee in the short while on the way to pee, which
incidentally helped its cause a great deal.
Editor : Oye Rags (short, and apt for
Raghav the reporter), who is the boss of this Mangalyan business yaar…
Rags : O teri, ye toh maine poochha hi
nahi… Sirji hoga koi Madrasi…
Editor : O khotte, vo toh obviously wali
baat hai… But I want a name and a photo. Aur ek chhota sa interview bhi…
Rags goes out and comes back with some
papers.
Rags : Sirji, kana tha na koi Madrasi hi
hoga…. (shows papers and photos to the editor)
Editor : O yaar koi asaan naam nahi hai?
Koi aur dekh team mein… Aur koi better shakal.
Rags : Satyanaas sirji… saare hi Madrasi
hain… Aur ek se ek killer naam.
Editor : Interview ke liye baat hui…
Rags : Haan sir… Bhai so raha hai. Biwi
kehti hai bees din se nahi soya… he he
he
Editor : Ajeeb aadmi hai yaar. Country ka
itna bada achievement hai, khud Modi ji pahunche hain… aur ye so raha hai…
Kamaal hai… Kuchh nahi ho sakta is desh ka…
Rags : Sirji maro goli inhe… Ek todu angle
aaya hai dimag mein… Mangalyaan ne 65 crore km ki Mars ki doori poori ki… Modi
ji ki sarkar ke ho gaye 123 din, nahi 124… 130 din pakad lo… Yani Modiji ke ek
din mein Mangalyaan 50 lakh kilometer chala… Record hoga sirji… first time in
the world!
Editor (grinning ear to ear) : Shabbaash
mere sher. Kya angle laaya hai yaar… Ek panel bana… Bangali discussions ko
anchor karega… Prime time…
Rags : Sirji Bangali kaun…
Editor : Abe Bangali ko nahi jaanta? Tu iss industry mein kya kar raha hai, balki iss desh mein kya kar raha hai be? …
Beta ye apna Bangali saare news anchors ka baap hai…
Rags : Achha vo Arn…
Editor : Haan ji, vohi… Bade badon ki awaaz
nahi nikalti uske saamne… par phir bhi uske show mein aate hain…
Rags : Sir panel mein kisko bulayon?
Editor : Ek toh Modiji ka minister hoga, ek
baba pakad le – sadhu, jyotshi, math wala, koi bhi chalega par aggressive hona
chahiye – ek opposition ka tatpoonjiya lele,
Rags : Sir ladies?
Editor : Haan, politician young lady pakad
le… ya koi page 3 wali le le, ek hi baat hai… ek business wala aur ek filmon se
le le… Sun, Amir ko pakad. Satyamev ke baad social side par sahi control hai
uska…
… The bee couldn’t control the pee any
longer and left. But we must thank her (or him or it, lest the women’s groups
have any objections to my selective objectification of the female species) for
bringing to us the behind the camera strategies, decisions and insights to the
mouth-warming, heart-watering coverage of Mangal Ho currently unfurling on the
News XXX Now these days.
Congratulations to all Indians.
Thank you Modiji.
Signing off with glee… and an urgent need
to pee!
O teri MOM ki jai…
P.S. If in the true scientific spirit, you
are offended by my words, let me apologize and urge you to read the link below (from FB and also transcripted below).
For the true pursuit of science can scarce be a media event. Let us learn to
celebrate science and scientists rather than the politics, marketing,
advertising and the hype, which sometime surrounds them, and threaten to
subsume everything of meaning and worth.
Salute Team ISRO!
DOCTORS VS AAMIR KHAN
Letter no.3
A letter to an Ignorant Perfectionist
Dear Mr. Aamir Khan,
I have been trying hard but cannot get over the fact that you
can 'sell'
ignorance with such ease and honour.
Though I agree to 'parts' of your show, lets first get the facts
right.
- You said patients on dialysis live upto 15-20 years. Fact - The 5 year survival rate of patients on dialysis is about 25-30 % ( less than many cancers). Renal transplant remains the best available treatment option for chronic kidney disease. (I hope you take responsibility for people who after watching your show plan to not go for kidney transplant and die in less than 5 years)
- An overenthusiastic girl from the audience said that her father was forced for an emergency liver transplant '6-7 years' ago for gastroenteritis. Fact- Even today there are a handful' of hospitals in India offering liver transplants. To think that 6-7 years ago, just a gastroenteritis patient was offered liver transplant is not only improbable but technically impossible.
- A diabetic patient blamed a doctor for losing a toe. Fact- Lacs of diabetic patients per year lose entire limbs due to diabetic foot (cellulitis and gangrene). Doctors go about stepwise cutting off toes , then foot , even the leg upto above knee level in order to save as much limb as possible. The patient in your show might still be able to walk just because of the timely action taken by the surgeon.
Mr. Aamir Khan i am not getting back at you because i took your
show personally. Yes , I agree that there are doctors indulging in shameful
malpractices and even i know a few of them. But i can proudly say i am
surrounded by more doctors who work day and night just to ensure that their
patients get the best BAD' doctors should be punished and we all can come
together to ensure we do not encourage such malpractices.
Secondly i would have appreciated if you would have thrown some
light on the entrance examinations and the hard work , dedication and
sacrifices a doctor needs to clear his MBBS, MD, DM etc examinations. I wish
you had spent half a day in the emergency department and OPD of a Govt.
Hospital and realised that the work timings, working conditions, lunch breaks, doctor
: patient ratio, hours of sleep per week , living conditions in the hostel and
the stipend is worse than a class 4 labourer. You would have also surprisingly
realised that the 'DOCTORS' are the only 'FUNCTIONAL' part of a Govt. Hospital
which still caters to thousands of patients in a day. When you compared statistics
of U.K and India , why didnt you include the salaries, living standards and the
doctor: patient ratio the doctors have in developed countries.
Coming to generic drugs, Yes, a large amount of rural population
should have access to cheap generic drugs. But one should not forget the pharma
companies that charge more for the drugs are the ones that spend crores of
rupees for research and development of new drugs. Had there not been drug
trials no new drugs would have been invented and we would have mortality rates
compared to stone age.
Also i agree that most doctors endorse certain brands of drugs (which
i do not deny may be for some financial gains also ) because thay have faithin
the quality of the 'active drug' of certain companies. Yes many local companies
manufacture generic products ( which is a copy of the originalmolecule
discovered by the expensive company which can be used for unaffordable
patients. But you did not mention that many of these generic drugs are of
substandard quality and are the reason of many uncalled for deaths due to drug
reactions. Most doctors would not want to take responsibilty of the quality of
the 'generic' drugs.
Lastly, What do you mean when you say ' People of high IQ and
desire to earn money should not become doctors'.
Why arent doctors allowed to have an ambition ?? How can a person who earns 4 crores for an
episode of a so called 'social' show decide on what should be an individual's
ambition and financial staus !! Why can
there be no doctors who earn well for their professional skills and do not
indulge in malpractices ?!
It just reflects your hypocrisy. I would like to offer a few solutions to the problem.
a) ' BAD' doctors indulging in malpractices should be suspended
for life. We need a strong regulatory authority to publish expected treatment 'protocols'
and punish doctors found to be doing unethical practices.
b) Regulatory authorities should also keep a check on the
quality of drugs being manufactured and
at the same time 'sold' at the local chemist.
c) Govt. medical colleges and hospitals should multiply several
folds, increasing the number of doctors in each department, improving the
doctor: patient ratio. Doctor's salaries and living conditions should be looked
after and should be comparable to other
professionals.
d) Regular CME'S and licensing exams (like other countries)
every 5-10 years.
e) The Govt. should spend 6-8% of GDP ON HEALTHCARE and a part
of which should also be committed to the research and development of newer drugs.
f) No politician should
be allowed to be associated with any private medical colleges.
g) The general public should be educated well about common
diseases
and the 'acceptable' qualifications of the doctors.
These are just a few points i can think of at the moment. I am
sure had you bothered to have a panel discussion and find solutions in a
healthy way, We could come up with a lot more viable solutions.
However you chose to sensationalize your show, by hiring 'few'
people with 'fake' or 'amplified' problems and shed a few tears.
Hope you understand that Your allegations like ' HAMARE DESH KE DOCTORS
ITNE BIMAAR KYUN HAIN' and 'MAUT KE SAUDAGAR' are as serious as calling all actors
'Rapists' (after the shiney ahuja incident) and all Muslims 'Terrorists' .
Knowing that you twisted not one but not many known medical 'facts' to strike a
chord with the 'ignorant' 'naive' audience, How do you expect me to have faith in you and the stories you would
project in the upcoming shows. You have betrayed a large segment of the
'classes' as well as 'masses'.
All i can say is i feel sad for the death of the 'image' you
created in our minds and hearts. An unbiased Aamir who strives for nothing but
the truth and the betterment of the society was after all a MYTH.
Condolences,
An honest Doctor
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